Honest and Appropriate Communication

The Art of Appropriate and Honest Communication.

Recently we had a potential disaster that occurred in our office. It was the result of a failure to openly communicate expectations and instead use suggestions and innuendo. Unfortunately, sometimes in our desire to avoid direct conflict, we hint or infer something rather than openly confront and correct. Invariably this leads to confused communications that result in failure to meet expectations. This event was a failure on my part and almost cost me a valuable relationship. Human communication and face-to-face conversation have often taken a back seat in our digital age. Therefore, the ability to communicate skillfully has never been more important, particularly in business.

In this blog, I want to explore the importance of “Appropriate and Honest Communication.”

The essence of great communication means a commitment to truthfulness and honesty. It means expressing one’s thoughts and intentions accurately, without deception or embellishment. Allowing this honest communication to flourish fosters openness and trust in those that you communicate with. Since honesty is a fundamental component of any successful relationship, it also gives others the freedom to do the same.

Credibility

Honest and open communication strengthens relationships and builds credibility. In professional settings, it allows teams to build enhanced morale and boost productivity. In personal relationships, it is the only way to build deep connections and increase respect.

When I communicate with a client, he/she needs to know that I am telling them the facts without personal embellishments. They make decisions based on the information I give them. They also create expectations and make promises based on that same information.

Once I breach a client’s trust, I become a liability rather than an asset. The services I provide become suspect, and my future with them becomes untenable. If they are confident we are telling them the truth, even the times we fail become just obstacles rather than death sentences.

Recently I discovered an error in our business dealings with one of our clients. It would not have been noticeable in the normal resolution of the business they hired us to do. However, I noticed it. I immediately called our account contact and explained the error. To my surprise, he focused on the amount that our service saved him rather than the cost of that error. The history of credibility was strong enough to overcome momentary failure.

Challenges

Honesty does not go unchallenged; it has enemies that threaten its existence and demand compromise. The biggest among them is the fear of judgment and rejection. We live in an image-dominated world. We want to be perceived as not only successful but also as caring and compassionate. We are taught to fear offending someone. In fact, today, aberrant behavior is far more acceptable than confronting it. In today’s culture, confronting deviant behavior is considered far worse than whatever behavior caused the confrontation.

After rejection, the next big enemy is consequences. In the appraisal industry that we serve, there is often an expectation of intended results. Daily our service is defined as offering an accurate and impartial estimate of the cost of damage to insured property. We are asked to inspect property that has previously had an insurance settlement where the insurance carrier and the individuals insured disagree. In the vast majority of these, we are hired by the carrier as their expert assessment and tasked with reaching an agreed scope and cost of repair with the individual hired by the insured.

If the opposing appraiser has an agenda or is guided by the insured with an intended outcome, it becomes difficult to reach an agreed resolution. Impartiality is thrown out the window if satisfying their clients’ desires becomes their principal guiding light. In those circumstances, I find that honesty is ignored in favor of continuing to get assignments from their clients.

Appropriate Communication

Increasingly, I find that not only are we fighting to establish honest communication, but we are also challenged with doing so in a way that is appropriate for the situation and individuals we are dealing with. Very often, communication is a balance between honesty and tact. Being forceful and assertive does not necessarily require being blunt or insensitive. Appropriateness requires empathy, active listening, and a desire to focus on solutions rather than differences.

There will always be obvious cases where the opposition is focused on an outcome rather than a solution; however, that does not release me from the responsibility of being the best influencer I can in the circumstances.

My manner, my language, and my inability to listen can all be barriers to effective communication and therefore determine the result of the communication. I have found the following to be critical in maintaining appropriate communication:

- Remain attentive and engaged in the opposing point of view. Hearing and acknowledging what is being said is critical. I will only be heard to the degree that I master my ability to listen. This includes eye contact, non-verbal cues, and restating the opposing view.

- Clear and concise communication. In this case, clarity and brevity are most helpful. Never allow yourself to default to circular arguments that simply repeat already stated positions. Identify and focus on the pain points of difference and then seek alternative resolutions to address them.

- Emotional responses damage communication rather than aid it. I have found that when emotion gets involved in my communication, it is there for one of two reasons. Either I am angry about their position, or I feel attacked because of mine. Neither of these is helpful in seeking a solution. Rather, I must focus on what is driving their arguments and seek the opportunity to remove those obstacles.

For me, honest and appropriate communication is a continuous journey of self-examination and a determination to improve. It is never about winning the outcome; it should always be about seeking a resolution. To do so, I often need to strike a balance between transparency and tact while at the same time remaining true to my principles.

All our human interaction is dependent on communication. Our success in these relationships will be determined by the degree to which we are willing to grow effective in honest and appropriate communication.